When I first realized that my 13 year old was ruining my life, I felt angry, shameful and enlightened all at the same time. An odd combination of adjectives, I know – but it truly was how I felt. I was angry that I had allowed her to take control and shameful that I, as an adult, felt powerless to stop her. So where does the enlightenment come in? The exact moment that I realized that this 13 year old was me! My inner child, stuck at the tender age of 13, was interfering in my relationships, questioning my confidence and jeopardizing my overall well-being.
We all have a young conversations that show up in certain areas of our lives – some more apparent than others. “I’m not good enough” or “success is for someone else” or “I will never be happy”…you get the idea.
That young conversation is nothing more than your conditioned mind. Our minds are an amazingly complex filing system of thoughts and experiences that we have collected since the moment we were born. The job of the mind is to make sense and interpret what is happening around us. The problem is, it is pulling from the experiences that we had as young children, and projecting the interpretations we gave it back then, into our present day lives. Our adult lives.
Recall a situation from your childhood where your young conversation really became apparent. Maybe your school friends never wanted to play what you wanted to play. Or maybe it was that first broken heart. Whatever the situation, connected to that memory is a reason you created to make sense of what was happening. Follow the experiences in your life from that point forward, and you will find similar situations and similar feelings. And since the job of the mind is to pull from our past experiences and make sense of the world, your automatic response to those similar situations, is to give it the same response you gave it way back when.
What to do with that young conversation so that it stops interfering with your adult life? Well, I wise person once told me “awareness is 70% the cure.” The rest is a matter of consciously making the decision to change how you think. Byron Katie is a miracle maker when it comes to changing how we think and it all stems from The Work – an inquiry based method. The Work has you ask yourself one simple question. Is it True? “ Is it true that I will never be happy?” “ Is it true that I am not good enough” “ Is it true….”
Start asking, then be still and listen. Once you start offering the mind other alternative reasons, it won’t default to the young conversation it stored away many years ago. Combine inquiry with positive self-talk, and soon enough you will find that your young conversations ” grow up” and the conversation you start having with yourself will not only be true, but will actually start changing your life!